PALESTINE, TX—Anyone who watches or listens live to the Palestine City Council meetings is aware of what comes through the main microphones that are positioned in front of those seated on the dais, however, The Dogwood Tale was curious as what is being said when council members lean back in their chairs and their voices are out of the range of the microphones.
Council recently granted permission for our news outlet to place additional microphones along the back wall to get a feel for the high level discussions that are likely occurring as council members ponder the important decisions that will guide our town into the future.
At one point during a recent meeting, Mayor Pro Tem Joseph Thompson, sitting to the right of the mayor, is seen leaning toward Mayor Herrington and the mayor reacts with wide-eyed bewilderment as Thompson seems to be sniffing the air around him, “What the hell are you doing?” Herrington asks and Thompson replies, “You smell like an old man.” Herrington explains, “It’s not me, it’s Brule, oh dear Lord, I’m absorbing his odor.”
Thompson says he’s glad he doesn’t have to sit next to the old man and remarks, “It smells like a nursing home in here. I’ve thought about running for mayor, but man, I can’t sit next to that, how can you stand it?” and Herrington replies, “I put a little dab of that coroner gel stuff in each nostril, it’s a good thing I have relatives in the funeral home business.”
Council member Will Brule, seated to the left of the mayor, leans back and asks the mayor, “Did you know there are 60 seconds in a minute and 60 minutes in an hour? And did you know my cane is hollow on the inside and I can keep five glasses of wine in it?” Thompson overhears the remark and whispers to the mayor, “That explains all those small dark circles we’ve seen in the carpet.” The mayor discretely places a huge glob of that coroner gel stuff into his left ear in hopes of blocking out Brule’s comments.
Meanwhile, down on the far end of the dais, council member Steve Presley leans back and tells Doug Smith, “You know, I love the Texas State Railroad, it’s a big turn on for me. Sometimes I come home, put on my engineer’s cap and try to get inside my wife’s caboose,” to which Smith shakes his head and says, “tmi, Steve, tmi!”
Brule then blurts out, “Did someone say let loose? I don’t think you want me to pass gas up here,” a remark that causes Herrington to add more of that coroner gel stuff to his nostrils as Thompson begs the mayor to share the gel, which he does, and the councilman quickly begins applying it to his own nostrils, but Brule notices both of his colleagues with their fingers up their noses, “Oh boy, I can do that, too,” he proudly proclaims as he shoves his index finger up his right nostril while asking, “Who’s number one?” then answers his own question, “That’s right, I am, I am district number one!” But in his excitement, Brule lets one rip which causes council member Vickey Chivers to mutter, “He may be number one, but he smells a lot like a number two.”
Thompson asks the mayor, “Do you think we could put some of this coroner gel stuff on Brule’s finger and have him shove it up his butt?” The mayor concedes that is a possibility but offers up a plan of his own, “I’m going to toss a pen on the floor and ask Brule to get it for me, when he gets up and bends over, you remove that rubber tip from his cane and shove up it his rear.” Thompson gives the thumbs up sign just as the public works director, who has been making a presentation from the podium, concludes his remarks to council, “and that is how we will be able to fund needed street improvements”.
As if on cue, the mayor’s pen lands on the floor and he leans over to politely ask Brule if he could retrieve it for him and the rest they say is history! Outside, passersby reported that a high-pitched, blood curdling scream could be heard coming from inside council chambers and they claim it was so intense and prolonged that several city hall windows cracked from the vibrations. The city is most definitely in the very best of hands.