PALESTINE, TX—Over 100 kilograms of radioactive Asian Tiger Mosquitoes were released over downtown Palestine on Friday morning following news reports indicating Mexican Freetail Bats were plotting an unauthorized migration to Downtown Palestine. The commander of the U.N. Peacekeeping Air Arabia Training Squadron, Col. Mohamar Isisadidit, reported the release to The Dogwood Tale mid-morning Friday. “The choppers were dispatched immediately and were on target in less than an hour. The mission was a success,” according to Col. Isisadidit. The Peace Keeping Command plans to continue releasing until the radiation levels reach critical mass.
Dr. Dahsar Rashad of the Arabian Peninsula Epidemiology WTO Command assured the Dogwood Tale the more than 30-million mosquitoes in this drop are a favored bat diet. It is expected more than 4 metric tonnes of mosquitoes will be released as this program progresses through the bat season. The species was selected because their preferred prey, feral cats, are also a downtown problem. However, it was emphasized small children and the elderly should be observed for any suspected bites that glow in the dark. Dr. Rashad has engaged in research work in Iran and Afghanistan over the past two decades studying the effects of chemical and low-yield nuclear weapons.
Councilman Steve Presley was quick to point out the importance of intergovernmental relations in striking win-win solutions through public/private partnerships using military surplus, “Along with strong foundation financial support, this innovative transformative solution provides a way of being, of seeing, of tapping into the full range of our humanity at no cost to the taxpayers.” Presley finished by saying, “This sets the stage for bringing the tourist railroad depot into downtown.”