PALESTINE, TX—Transgender Palestine residents are celebrating an executive order by the City of Palestine’s Assistant City Manager/Finance Director Larry Pannell ordering all city buildings and local businesses to allow people to use the restroom for the sex they identify with rather than their assigned sex at birth.
Pannell, himself a transgender who previously held the city manager’s position when he was known as Wendy Ellis said that the order was based on his personal experiences as a transgender and felt now was the time to make the change.
“The current controversy facing our nation makes now the best time to make this move,” Pannell said. “There are only about 600 people that have any business complaining because they actually voted, but the rest of you can just forget it! We’re not listening to your whining!”
Pannell also explained that the change now, while the nation is focused on President Obama’s recent executive order requiring the same of public schools, means that most won’t even notice this local change.
“When I was Wendy Ellis, every morning that I looked in the mirror to shave, I knew that eventually I would have to face the truth. Following my operation, a three day procedure completed at a Florida Sea World Facility, I decided to return to Palestine to live, but my secret was revealed by the media and, well, now you all can deal with the problems head on like I did, whether you like it or not,” an obviously angry and vindictive Pannell said.
Weighing in on the controversy, incoming District 1 Councilmember Will Brule applauded the decision.
“I’ve lived most of my life as a man,” Brule said, “but there are days when I wake up and just can’t decide. Now, thanks to Larry, I can just choose a restroom like I choose a bow tie.”
Pannell said any local businesses that refuse to comply with the executive order will face fines and other sanctions.