PALESTINE—Chief Robert Herbert appeared before a meeting of the Citizen’s on Patrol Alumni Association (COPAA) to announce that his new flat screen television had suddenly stopped working. Herbert said he believed the problem was the result of an electrical surge.
“I had just learned how to use some of the more enhanced features such as the built in apps like Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon Prime Video and really looked forward to using the picture-in-picture for the upcoming NFL season,” Herbert said solemnly to the membership of COPAA.
Herbert appeared tearful when he revealed that several friends had arranged for him to take advantage of the DirecTV Refer-a-Friend program which would have netted Herbert satellite service for only $10 per month for one year. “It would have been complete with NFL Sunday Ticket,” the chief muttered.
Herbert said that he was hopeful that he’ll quickly have a new television. “I’m told there are several raffles scheduled in the community and I’ve reached out to each of them to find out if I can be the winner,” Herbert explained, “and I think I have a few willing to select me as the winner.”
In fact, Herbert said that the response has been so overwhelming that he may need to hold a raffle to determine which raffle will have the honor of naming him the winner. “I’ve had such a huge response, from so many, that maybe I can hold a raffle and help find the right raffle for me to win,” Herbert said before adding, “it really don’t matter to me, I mean, I’m already the winner.” Herbert was adamant that at least one raffle will need to be a television to replace his recently broken one, but added, “I’m not opposed to a few smaller prizes. I could really use a toaster and maybe a convection oven.”