PALESTINE, TX–Moon Oovo IV prison, a interstellar prison operated by the Sith Order and guarded by the Firespray-31-class patrol and attack craft, is where Michael Sims will serve a sentence for violating the orders of Vader himself when he chose to run for Palestine’s mayor position despite being told to avoid the spectacle of an election and risking his identity as a member of the Sith Order being revealed to Earth bound citizens, according to a press release from Sims.
Sims, during an interview with the Palestine Herald-Pressley, was explaining that his decision to run was motivated entirely by a hologram of Princess Leia who expressed concern about the importance of him being elected to lead the “city of Earth people,” when a time warp opened and several stormtroopers materialized, placed electronic hand restraints on the candidate and exited with him through the same time warp.
Herald-Pressley staff said they were unable to located the time warp mere seconds after Sims disappeared with the troopers, but were prepared to throw reporter PennyLynn Webb through it had they been able to find it.
Sims said in the press release that he was given strict instructions by Darth Vader to not seek the elected position, but felt compelled when Princess Leia insisted that he run.
“I thought I was doing the right thing,” Sims said, “For years, I’ve done the bidding of the Sith and I want so badly to help the good guys, such as the folks in Palestine, who just want their streets fixed, their water to be safe and to be shown respect by the folks at city hall. I should have known I was crazy for thinking I could make a difference.”
Communications Director Nate Smith was outraged by what he called an “illegal abduction” of Sims and immediately lodged a complaint with the supervisors of the stormtroopers, even thought the incident seemingly had nothing to do with him.
“I’ve left a voicemail and I’m just waiting on them to call me back,” Smith said adding, “I don’t think they’ll like what’s happened here.”
Sims’ name will still appear on the ballot despite his incarceration at Moon Oovo IV and, if elected, he would be only the second mayor to serve from outside of this solar system. Current mayor, Bob Herrington, has served a majority of his term with his “head in another galaxy,” according to Smith.
“Yes, he had this out of this word idea that people should just do the right thing, ” Smith said, “And we see how that ended up. Hey, I’m here, right?”