Palestine City Manager Wendy Ellis Makes First Contact with Alien Species Who Bring ‘Useless Information’ and Need for Raise for Communications Director
PALESTINE, TX—City Manager Wendy Ellis announced to a stunned council that she had made first contact with an alien species who traveled light years through the universe to deliver a message directly to her. Ellis said the special message was useless information.
“I was in my back yard, decorating for Christmas which is coming up in five months, when an unidentified flying objected swooped down from the sky and hovered over my back yard. I was a little nervous at first and my heart raced as the ship attempted to lift me aboard using a tractor beam, which proved unsuccessful. Eventually, a small, slender green man was beamed down in front of me and he was holding a scroll, which he handed to me and, using telepathy, said, ‘for you,'” Ellis described of the remarkable experience.
Ellis said it was the two words on the scroll that left her confused. “I opened the scroll and it contained two words: ‘Reduced spending’ and I have no idea what these two words mean when combined,” Ellis said.
Ellis assured council she promptly threw the scroll away and returned to decorating for the holiday season in December.
Ellis suggested that council approve millions in funding to install aircraft detection systems to avoid future visits from the ‘little green men’ and submitted a request for a pay raise for Palestine Communications Director Laura Westgate.
“Laura does a great job in her role as communications director, but we can’t expect her to continue to do this job at her current salary when she may need to communicate with a species from another planet,” Ellis said in justifying the raise, “We must be ready.”