PALESTINE, TX–Palestine City Manager Wendy Ellis called a press conference on Wednesday and chastised the public and media for their concern about the death of Cecil the Lion when she was facing a divided Palestine City Council with her job hanging in the balance.
Wearing her hazmat suit, as she still prepares for war with Elkhart, Ellis said that there should be more concern about her situation instead of “a big cat in Zimbabwe.”
“I just can’t believe this town,” Ellis said. “Some big cat gets killed and the world comes to a halt, but I have three council members who would fire me now if they could just get that wavering Doug Smith to make up his mind and no one cares!”
Ellis became more agitated as the press conference continued.
“I don’t give a damn about a f–king lion! It’s just a f–king lion! They’re trying to fire me!”
Ellis also stressed the pending war with Elkhart as far more important than a wild cat.
“So it had a collar on,” Ellis questioned. “What? Is that like a bullet proof vest? No. Want to keep a lion safe? Put a bullet proof vest on it.”
Ellis concluded the press conference by begging the community for their support.
“I need the community to stand together against the aggressors to the south, Elkhart. They will invade if we do not get this wall built and fast!”
Ellis stormed back into city hall without answering any questions from reporters.
Reporters seemed shocked by the uncontrollable city manager’s actions, but with the city being under martial law and The General standing nearby, were cautious about asking any questions.