PALESTINE, TX–The City of Palestine will be prepared in the event that the dead rise from their graves to feed on the living, according to an announcement by City Manager Wendy Ellis.
“I had fired the former emergency management coordinator for not having a plan like this in place, and, if you want it done right, you do it yourself,” Ellis said during a press conference. “We must be ready for the likelihood that the dead will rise and go after the living.”
District 5 Councilman Doug Smith, who was present at the press conference, took to the podium and commended the embattled city manager.
“This is the very reason I was against firing Wendy after I was for firing her, then against firing her before I was for firing her before finally being against firing her,” Smith said. “Right this minute, I’m thinking she should be fired, but I haven’t had breakfast yet and that all could change after I’ve had a bite to eat. What other city manager would think about the importance of such a plan?”
Waving a small Confederate flag, Smith said, “The South will rise again,” before exiting the stage.
District 1 Councilman Adam Harding said he reviewed the plan and found it detailed and well planned.
“I would say that this plan is very doable, I just think that before we put it into place, we should conduct an employee and citizen survey as well as a study of local cemeteries to determine if the dead are satisfied with the plan,” Harding explained. “I can see this plan being put into place by 2020, if all of our studies can be completed by that time.”
The study recommended by Harding would cost the city about $1.2 million.
Details of the plan will be announced at a special meeting of the Palestine City Council Monday night.