PALESTINE, TX–A City of Palestine employee is facing an investigation after allegations surfaced that the employee was not participating in the rampant government employee theft by other employees.
“We have an employee that is not stealing,” said city finance director Larry Pannell during an interview over a delicious lunch purchased with Pannell’s own city credit card. “We all steal here, it’s how we keep from getting caught, by all of us participating and along comes this goody two shoes and she isn’t stealing? What kind of message would that send taxpayers?”
“It’s a travesty,” one local citizen said. “If she’s not stealing, why can’t they find more employees like her? I’ve come to expect city employees to steal, but if we can find some that don’t, we need to and fast!”
When read that comment along with other similar quotes from other citizens, Pannel put his hands up and said, “See what I mean?”
“I thought I wasn’t supposed to steal,” the confused employee said. She asked not to be identified for her safety. “I mean, one time, I think I took a pen home,, no, wait, I brought it back so I guess that doesn’t count does it?” She could barely hold back her tears.
Panel said the investigation will continue.
“If we find any other employees that think they’re above stealing, they’ll be dealt with, too.”