Palestine City Council Approves Deal with Wife of Late Nigerian Head of State Netting $1.2 Million
PALESTINE, TX—The City of Palestine has approved a deal with the widow of the late Nigerian Head of State, Sani Abacha. The deal will bring in $1.2 million in income for city taxpayers. Miriam Abacha said that with some help getting the money out of her country—totaling $6.5 million—the City of Palestine will receive 30% of the cash to use as they need for the city’s help.
“It all began with a simple email,” District 1 Councilmember Will Brule said. “Mrs. Mariam Abacha told me of the deal which required we give her [the city’s] phone and fax numbers to begin the process. We’ll get the $1.2 million deposited right into our account once she gets hold of the money, which she shipped through an undercover courier company. Luckily, this helped disguise the money from Nigerian security, so we should have it in our hands in no time.”
“The deal, when complete, would allow the city to cut property taxes for the upcoming budget year,” District 6 Councilmember Steven Presley said, “and I expect this extra money in the hands of residents to help many of them who are facing some tough financial times.”
Mayor Bob Herrington said he was suspicious of the email, but went along with it fearing another attempt on his life by an assassin.
“I’ve created a stir standing up for what I believe in,” Herrington said, “and I just can’t take another chance on someone making another attempt on my life.”
Herrington is of course referring to an incident last year where he choked on a bone in a bowl of chicken soup that he contends was placed their intentionally. The investigation into that incident revealed it to be an accident; however, Herrington rejected the findings of that investigation and the cook who prepared the soup was fired from his job.
“I still just can’t believe the City of Palestine has received this wonderful opportunity,” Brule said. “Of all the people in the world that Mrs. Abacha could have contacted, she contacted me and I could have selfishly took the money for my personal gain, but instead, brought the offer before council for the betterment of city residents. I just hope this doesn’t turn out to be a scam like the last three times I tried to help the fine folks of Nigeria when they contacted me, but we won’t know unless we give it a try.”
Assistant Police Chief Jeffrey Powell said he conducted a full investigation of the offer, consisting of a Google search while his ramen noodles cooked, and said that it seemed like a legitimate offer.
“I was at home when Brule called me,” Powell said, “and I had just thrown my ramen noodles in the microwave and while they were cooking took the time to check out the offer. I googled ‘Mariam Abacha’ and found that people believe she’s a con artist, but when I emailed her she explained that some criminals in Nigeria want the money and are trying to harm her reputation. She seemed really sincere, so I don’t see a problem with the deal. She sent me a photograph of the late Nigerian Head of State and my heart just broke knowing that he passed at such an early age.”
The head of state was only 50 at the time of his death, according to Mariam Abacha.
The city will be required to transfer some cash upfront to get the deal rolling, which is what council approved during this special meeting on Wednesday night and expects to receive their part of the money within the next month.
“It’s exciting” Brule said while waving his cane in the air.