Palestine City Council Approves $1.8 Billion to Prevent Russian Hacking in Upcoming Election
PALESTINE, TX–The Palestine City Council took a proactive step in preventing any meddling by the Russian government in the upcoming May 6 city election by approving a $1.8 billion payment to a security firm to watch ballot boxes throughout the election process.
Mayoral candidates Steve Presley and Michael Sims joined together to bring the request to council with the two saying that they set aside politics to be proactive in the city’s approach to this serious threat.
“We must do something to prevent any meddling by the Russian government in this election,” Presley said, “because our democracy here in Palestine is far more important than any one candidate.”
Presley went on to say that several voters in District One and Six have approached him because they have concerns that if the Russians become involved in the election, the vote of the average voting citizen may actually matter.
“How would the affluent people in District One and Six feel knowing that their vote may not have counted more than the votes in the other four districts,” Presley asked adding, “Can you imagine all those minorities turning out to vote because they think their vote matters? We’ll end up with Theresa Hamilton-Roberts as mayor.”
“The force must be with us,” Sims shouted at reporters. Having already had his break, Sims spoke to reporters while sweeping in the produce section at Wal-Mart.
“We must do what we can to make certain that the results of this election are not called into question,” Sims explained before pausing to ask “could you move that rug so I can sweep under it real quick?”
Reporters were asked to pretend to be shoppers to avoid detection by Wal-Mart management talking to Sims while he was on the clock.
The security firm hired by the city said that they would dispatch three minimum wage contract employees to Palestine to sit with each ballot box through the end of the election.
“We’ll watch the election for them, it’ll be the easiest money we ever made,” a spokesperson for the firm said.
The Russian government declined to comment for this story until they could find Palestine, Texas on a map.