PALESTINE, TX—A patient who was recently treated at Palestine Regional Medical Center for severe stomach cramps actually walked out of the emergency room alive and well, leaving hospital workers in a state of stunned disbelief. ER staff are calling him the “miracle man” but there is growing concern the hospital’s “D” rating might now be in jeopardy, “I don’t know if we’re prepared for the added responsibilities that come with a higher rating,” said Alan George, chief executive officer for PRMC.
The unidentified patient was given two teaspoons of a chalky-tasting white liquid at a cost of $5,000 per teaspoon and he reportedly began to improve within minutes. The ER doctor released him after making sure the total bill tipped the scale at $47,000, an amount that also included charges for a PAP smear and pelvic exam. The doctor on duty justified the additional charges explaining, “The results clearly confirm the patient was, in fact, a man.”
When asked if he was going to Disney World to celebrate, the patient removed a card from his pocket and replied, “No, but apparently I qualified for two free nights at The Redlands Hotel, courtesy of the generosity of PRMC.” The patient said he was told the hospital and the hotel have some sort of “mutual aid agreement” then stated, “Hey, it’s a free stay so why not take advantage of their generosity.”
As for the charges for the PAP smear and pelvic exam, the patient said, “I guess I should be outraged, but I tend to look on the bright side, so at least I know, for sure, I’m a man,” then a bit of doubt must have crept into his mind as he questioned, “But on second thought, it’s PRMC so how can I really be sure of the results?”