PALESTINE,TX – A local man almost died from dehydration after he couldn’t stop salivating over the new Taco Casa that is being constructed on West Oak Street. The patient gave permission for the release of the details of his suffering and ultimate cure.
Medical officals confirm Armando Tacosita started salivating as soon as he heard Palestine was getting a new fast food Mexican restaurant. Strings of drool dripped from his mouth drenching everything in its path. His family had to put him outside with the family dog whose name coincidentally is Snots. Tacosita’s spouse lamented, “Too bad this couldn’t have happened during the annual summer drought, we would have had the greenest grass in town.”
After a couple of weeks of heavy drooling, Tacosita’s health began to decline so the family decided to call 911. “I remember yelling out the back door,” Mrs. Tacosita recalled, “Honey, hang in there, help is on the way. Try to lift your head up so you don’t drown in that drooly stuff.”
EMTs arrived at the home and quickly diagnosed total dehydration. “We need to transport him to Palestine Regional Medical Center, stat,” the lead EMT stated, but his partner nixed the idea, “No, I want this one to live, I’ve got a better idea.” Tacosita was placed onto a gurney and hoisted into the ambulance, then off it went with emergency lights flashing and sirens blaring.
A few minutes later, it pulled up in front of the Walmart Supercenter. Tacosita was rolled into the pharmacy section where a floor manager was waiting with a bag of cotton balls. The EMTs stuffed the cotton balls into Tacosita’s mouth to stop the drooling, then began an IV drip of bottled water from the grocery section. Within minutes, Tacosita was able to sit up, then eventually stand up without assistance. He thanked those who had saved his life, then went outside to meet his wife in the parking lot. As he got into the car, witnesses overheard him say to his wife, “I’m kinda hungry, can we stop at the Taco Bell.”