ELKHART, TX—Anderson County residents were startled by the news on Thursday that Elkhart, Palestine’s fiercest rival and southern neighbor, announced they had successfully tested a nuclear weapon. This was according to Elkhart’s mayor.
Palestine has been on the brink of war with Elkhart over the past year, but this most recent provocation by Elkhart may force Palestine to act and an emergency meeting of the Palestine City Council is scheduled for Friday night to discuss the issue. The police department has been placed on high alert by Mayor Bob Herrington in anticipation of a possible attack by the Elkhart army.
“Palestine will not accept Elkhart as a nuclear power,” Palestine Mayor Bob Herrington said. “Palestine has been a nuclear power ourselves, for years, and even with our expertise in handling the radioactive materials we had a horrible accident in 2013 from, which, we’re still recovering.”
Herrington is of course referring to a mishandled nuclear test with radioactive contamination that resulted in Wendy Ellis growing from a half eaten bear claw pastry to a monster that eventually became the city manager.
“Once council has the opportunity to evaluate the situation in Elkhart, we’ll know how to act. At this time, we have no way of confirming if Elkhart has actually tested a nuclear weapon or not or if they have missiles capable of reaching Palestine,” Herrington said.
The City of Palestine urges caution, but encourages citizens to continue with their day to day activities.
“It’s important that we not let this enemy on our southern border change our way of life.”