NEW YORK, NY–Donald Trump, GOP candidate for President, said today that the Lemur on a murder spree in Elkhart is undocumented and an example of the crime that illegal immigrants bring to the country.
“I’m certain that this Lemur, or monkey, or whatever you want to call it is illegal,” Trump said. “It’s Elkhart and there’s this Lemur and you can’t convince me that he came into this country legally. I mean, it’s freakin’ Elkhart, Texas! Now, we’ll need to pay for his incarceration for the murders he committed potentially costing Americans millions of dollars. It’s another example of a failed immigration system.”
Trump, under fire for similar comments about Mexicans, was adamant that his team had “verified the citizenship of the Lemur.”
“Look, he’s illegal,” Trump explained. “If he were legal, would he knowingly choose to live in Elkhart, Texas? That’s somewhere you live to hide from something, like being an illegal Lemur.”
As reported last night, the Lemur, the subject of controversy for the past two weeks after biting a customer at a resale shop, went on a killing spree yesterday killing at least three people so far. A letter from the Lemur to The Dogwood Tale demands that he be allowed to remain with his current owner or the murders will continue.
Sheriff Greg Taylor has said the Lemur is considered armed and dangerous and suggests residents use extreme caution if approached.
“It’s best to arm yourself with a few bananas,” Taylor said. “If you see the fella, just toss a banana in his direction and run for your life. Don’t stop running until you are certain you are safe. I really recommend just staying at home.”