PALESTINE, TX — A new proclamation from the royal castle indicates Queen Wendy has commissioned the royal treasury to print a new local currency called the “Dogwood Dollar” to be used in lieu of credits that were being applied to a peasant’s water bill. “I have given this matter great thought,” the Queen said, “and I have determined we shall cease logging credits on water bills for over-recording meters and instead issue Dogwood Dollars which the little people may redeem only in the downtown shopping district.”
The Queen apparently believes this to be a unique idea that will restore the once thriving downtown economy. Rumor is the idea actually originated from someone the Queen referred to as Princess Jean. In theory, a resident who would normally have been given a credit of $50 on their water bill, will now receive $50 in Dogwood Dollars. No credit will exist in their castle account. The peasant is then commanded to spend the Dogwood Dollars downtown. Merchant slaves will turn in their Dogwood Dollars at the city castle on a monthly basis in exchange for real U.S. dollars, paid for with the credits that would have existed in the peasants’ water accounts.
“This is why she’s the Queen,” said Royal Land Steward, Steve Presley, who was recently promoted from the rank of lap dog. The three remaining lap dogs barked enthusiastically at the announcement. Whether or not local peasants will embrace the new concept remains a big question mark. However, the Queen has anticipated such reluctance and issued a decree that the Dogwood Dollar will have triple the value at any downtown store operated by any of her relatives and as a further incentive, there’s even more value if her relative’s store has the word “pickle” in its name.