PALESTINE, TX–Officials at city hall say inquiries have started coming in from around the country as well as from a couple of foreign governments, all asking one simple question, “Who the hell is Alex Patel and why are his campaign signs showing up everywhere?”
The Louisiana Highway Patrol says they have been diverted from serious law enforcement issues because they have been busy removing Patel signs along I-20 into Shreveport and along I-10 into New Orleans.
Oklahoma officials report multiple illegal Patel signs along I-35. Visitors to the famous Winstar World Casino and Resort are reporting a giant inflatable figure of a man holding a sign that says, “When in Palestine, TX, stay at the Hampton Inn, the official residence of district 6 council candidate, Alex Patel.”
In Jamaica, officials are at a loss to explain why signs are popping up in highly traveled tourist locations, “Alex Patel, District 6, vote for me, mon.”
Authorities in Pennington County, South Dakota, hired workers to remove Patel signs from the Mount Rushmore National Monument. The eyes of the Presidents had been blocked with campaign signs, “Looked like they were wearing Alex Patel sunglasses,” remarked one park employee.
Officials in Hollywood, CA, are dismayed that their famous landmark sign has been converted into a “Vote for Alex” advertisement. Celebrities there are forming an old-fashioned lynch mob proclaiming Patel a bigger threat to their way of life than Donald Trump.
And reports are flying in from airports in Los Angeles, Dallas, Houston, Miami, Atlanta and New York that travelers waiting for their flights are hearing repeated messages, “Vote Alex Patel, District 6, Palestine, TX.”
Along the border with Mexico, illegal immigrants are being ferried across the Rio Grande in Patel party fiesta boats offering free booze and free women. The illegals are handed t-shirts along with Patel campaign signs. They receive instructions to “colóquelos en todas partes.” (put them everywhere)
When contacted by TDT, Patel confirmed he is taking his campaign to the next level, “The folks I associate with,” he explained, “they have fulfilled their promises of making Palestine the economic hub of East Texas, so now it’s time for me to make us the economic hub of the world!” Patel then added, “I’m not asking for donations, I have plenty of money, so, I’m doing this out my love for the town I have called home for the last 3 or 4 months. Perhaps the town can repay me, you know, Patelestine, has a nice ring to it don’t you think?”