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City of Palestine to Accept 5,000 Syrian Refugees Next Week

City of Palestine to Accept 5,000 Syrian Refugees Next Week

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PALESTINE, TX—The City of Palestine will be the new home of 5,000 Syrian refugees beginning next week, Scott Parkhurst, the city’s Emergency Management Coordinator,  announced Monday morning.

The move was made on approval of the city’s tourism advisory board and it’s chairman, Jackson Hanks.

“Now that the best marketing director ever has resigned, we must do something to help with tourism,” Hanks said. “The refugees will be spending money the government gives them right here in Palestine so we’ll benefit directly from those tax dollars.”

Hanks said the Syrian refugees must meet only one condition.

“We’re not really worried about terrorism or any of that, but each refugee must bow at the feet of Breezy Lake-Wolf  and thank her for her help putting this city on the map,” Hanks explained. “This will happen every time they see her and those refugees that fail to honor Breezy will be out of here immediately.”

Local residents are concerned, but Hanks explained that this is what he wanted.

“I hear your concerns and I understand, but this is what I want and that’s all that matters because I’m struggling to stay relevant in this town so just get over it.  I’m sure most of them won’t hurt anyone as we vetted each one by asking them if they loved Palestine before we allow them into the city and while I think most thought were talking about the Palestinian territory in the Middle East, I was satisfied with their answers,”  Hanks said.  “We also told the refugees that downtown Palestine was the busiest part of town so good luck Mr. Suicide Bomber because we all know no one is downtown,” Hanks said while laughing hysterically.

Mayor Bob Herrington was unavailable for comment because he was working on his home, but former mayor Therrell Thomas applauded the decision.

“Bob would never think outside the box like this,” Thomas said.  “I want to say, no offense to the refugees but I would prefer they not come to my liquor store, for when, you know, they decide to do something.”

(4771)

Comment(55)

    1. What do you consider success?….did you stop the refugees from coming to the states?……scaring the local residents is doing nothing to change the mind of the decision makers…those are the ones who need a wake up call….WE are all wide awake

    1. To hell for all I care do you see how many vets have no homes better yet 5$ says there’s a homeless man standing by Walmart sometimes with there family and 90% of people just drive by like there invisible but we can let 5000 immigrants in who haven’t done anything for this country but they go ahead of people who shared blood sweat and tears with a rifle just a little pist off I apologize

    2. I mean I can keep going but I figure any man/woman who faught for this country deserves everything and owes nothing see a lot of us are just broke kids from the plaza but most of the high class in Palestine drive right by those people and it’s kinda scary to think that a bunch of teenagers will rather walk up and take them out to eat then the older generation who can actually afford it

  1. This is true, absolutely true! They are giving them free tickets to sex theme park and all the refugees are staying, for FREE, on the cruise ship that is in downtown!!!

  2. People on three Anderson County pages up in arms. Multiple calls to the city and the police dept., people driving around looking for the buses……HOLY COW !!! Do people even actually read any more? I barely made it out of 5th grade and know better. It is funny, and I like to keep the ball rolling, but come on guys…..Cancel your internet service if you believe this stuff, you are dangerous.

  3. This is so fucking stupid. I hope there are terrorist that way whatever dumbass agreed to let this happens gets what he asked for.

  4. whoever has time to put this stupid shit on here needs to get a fucking life, there is so much fucked up shit going on in the world right now, why would this be a surprise to anybody.. nothing the government does anymore surprises me… why would this be difficult for someone to believe? Look WHO we have for president of the united states?? Who would have ever thought that was possible???? For one term much less 2

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