PALESTINE, TX–Chick-fil-A announced plans to build a new restaurant in Palestine to be in the parking lot of the Palestine Mall on Friday. Also announced was the new restaurant would be one of the company’s largest in the country.
“We chose Palestine because of the petition that circulated demanding we come there,” a Chick-fil-A official said. “After determining that we were interested in building in Palestine, we then did our usual research to include determining the number of homosexuals who live in the county. Since the supreme court legalized gay marriage, we checked with the Anderson County Clerk’s office and found that very few marriage licenses had been issued to same sex couples and this made Palestine a prime candidate for a store.”
The Chick-fil-A official said that the Palestine site would be one of the country’s largest stores in the country.
“That’s the least we can do for such a ‘no gay’ community,” the official said. “It also helped that we were contacted by Keanu, the Lemur, who said he would enjoy our excellent food to be served in his community. Maybe, with a place he likes to eat, he’ll stop eating people. Keanu also indicated to us that he is a straight Lemur and that sex with a male Lemur ‘disgusts’ him.”
According to the Chick-fil-A official, Palestine City Manager Wendy Ellis has agreed to keep, front and center on the council desk, a 44-oz drink with the Chick-fil-A logo visible, at all council meetings as free advertisement.
“We really love Wendy,” the official said. “What a beau…lov…well, nice lady.”
The new Chick-fil-A is scheduled to open in mid-February.